Not Just More Days. Better Days.

During the tefillos of Rosh Hashanah, something occurred to me: so much of our tefillah is focused on chayim, life. We ask Hashem again and again for life. Even when we look at the Torah and Haftarah readings of Rosh Hashanah, life is everywhere. Sarah, after so many years of waiting, is remembered and given the ability to bring life into the world. Chana begs Hashem for a child, and ultimately that life is granted. It got me thinking: What exactly am I asking Hashem for when I ask for another year of life?

For most of human history, simply living a long life was far less common than it is today. According to historical data, American life expectancy at birth hovered around 40 years during much of the mid 1800s, with a significant dip during the Civil War. Child mortality was extraordinarily high. Then advances in medicine, sanitation, nutrition, and public health dramatically changed the picture. U.S. life expectancy was 47.3 years in 1900, 68.2 years in 1950, and by 2023 had reached 78.4 years.

So during Rosh Hashanah, I found myself asking Hashem for something a little different. Of course I want more years. I want quantity. I want to live a long, healthy life. But I found myself almost screaming out: Hashem, please give me quality in my days. Not just quality years, but quality days.

We may be blessed to live longer than generations before us, but we also live with something they could never have imagined: an endless supply of distractions competing for virtually every minute of our attention. How many times have you gone online to check one thing, and 15 minutes later suddenly realized you never even checked it? You don't remember why you picked up your phone in the first place. Now imagine that happening five, ten, or twenty times throughout the day. Where did all that time go? We ask Hashem for life, but perhaps part of that request should be: Help me actually live the days You give me.

Of course, we can't just daven for better use of our time and then do nothing about it. We need hishtadlus. The first practical idea is simple: decide what your priorities really are and put them first. People generally find time for what they truly believe is important. We eat. We sleep. Hopefully we make time for our families. Most importantly, we make time for Hashem and Torah. If exercise, health, learning, relationships, or personal growth really matter to us, they can't simply be what we do “if we have time.” Make them priorities, and suddenly there is less room for meaningless distractions.

There's a famous saying: If you want something done, give it to a busy person. That sounds ridiculous. They're already busy! But busy, productive people often understand how to prioritize. Imagine your boss told you, “Finish this project by next week and I'll give you an entire month's salary as a bonus.” Suddenly you'd discover hours you didn't know existed. The hours were always there. The priority changed.

A second idea is to schedule your distractions instead of allowing them to schedule you. If you find yourself checking the news twice an hour, don't necessarily tell yourself you'll never look at the news again. Start by saying, “I'll check it every 70 minutes.” Then perhaps every two hours. Give yourself five minutes, check what you need to check, and get off. You'll probably discover that the news doesn't change nearly as quickly as you think, and if something truly world changing happens, somehow you'll hear about it.

Here's another idea that I particularly like: attach a healthy habit to a distraction. Want to check the news? Fine, but first you owe yourself 20 push ups. Want to scroll social media? Take a five minute walk first. Now, at the very least, every time the distraction wins, your body wins something too!

We can also create phone free zones. Pick certain activities where the phone simply doesn't belong: learning Torah, eating dinner with your family, exercising, or the first 30 minutes after you wake up. Turn off unnecessary notifications so every app doesn't get to decide when your concentration ends. Keep a “later list” for things you suddenly want to look up instead of immediately opening your browser. Write them down and come back to them at a designated time. You may discover that half of those “urgent” things aren't even important anymore.

Another powerful idea is to measure where your time is actually going. For one week, look at your screen time report. Don't judge yourself. Just look. The numbers may surprise you. If you're telling yourself, “I don't have 15 minutes to exercise,” but your phone says you spent 75 minutes on social media or news that day, perhaps the problem isn't a lack of time. It's where the time went.

And don't just remove bad habits. Replace them. It's difficult to eliminate a habit and leave an empty space. Replace ten minutes of scrolling with ten minutes of walking. Replace one unnecessary news check with a phone call to someone you care about. Replace random internet browsing with a few minutes of Torah. Give the time somewhere better to go. And start small. We don't need to become perfectly focused human beings tomorrow morning. Pick one distraction and one positive habit. Work on those, and then build from there.

Perhaps this is part of what we should be thinking about when we ask Hashem for chayim: “Hashem, I'm asking You for more life, but I'm also trying to show You that I value the life You've already given me. I'm trying to exercise and take care of the body You gave me. I'm trying to learn more Torah. I'm trying to be present with my family. I'm trying to spend less time disappearing into distractions that give me almost nothing in return. I'm doing my part. Please help me with the rest. Help me focus. Help me use my time properly. Help me fill my days with things that matter.”

I believe something interesting happens as we begin doing this. When you exercise consistently and feel stronger, you want to continue. When you eat better and feel better, you want to continue. When you spend meaningful time learning, with your family, or accomplishing something important instead of losing an hour to nowhere, you feel the difference. One healthy habit starts creating another.

So this year, when we ask Hashem for chayim, let's certainly ask for many, many years. But let's ask for something else as well: Not just more days in our lives. More life in our days.

As always, I'd like to hear your thoughts. What helps you protect the quality of your time and keep distractions from taking over your day?